she's a tourist;

stoned
drunk
stevie
matt


WHOO !

I'm pretty happy.
not gonna lie
:)

i've got some things i'll be working on constantly,
but uh

life is pretty good
it's going okay

Dear 'Scene' ,
first of all, i'm suprised your fake eyelashes aren't getting in the way of you reading this.
and just so the point gets across clearly, please pin back your fried ass un-natural colored hair from your face and take a fucking look around.
the world DOES NOT revolve around you
you ARE NOT hollywood, or perfect
if you are so perfect, you shouldn't need fake hair and a shitload of makeup.
stop shoving your goddammed fingers down your throat and buying pants that cut off the circulation in your fucking genitals causing you to all grow vaginas.
listen to some real fucking music instead of that no talent - vomit ass - shit that you call
"hardcore"
most of you don't even know what post-hardcore is
GRINDCORE is not music
growling into a microphone, slapping drums and rubbing guitars is not talent.
if you are not scene, but think you are, i suggest you stop as well.
i pity your stupidity and mindlessness.
why the hell do you want to look like everyone else?
if you can't live for yourself then you don't deserve to live.
go swallow a razor, please and thanks.
one more thing,
all you fake ass fuckers that think you're going to make it big by looking good and being a clone
think again.
the kids that accually have brain stems are the ones who will be putting fucking change in what used to be a glass you sipped wine out of.
DO NOT
say you are politically involved
and that you want peace
dont say you're fighting for something if you don't have the slightest fucking idea of what you're fighting for.
don't try to be 'deep' and think you have this great understanding of the world.
if you are THAT involved with yourself
it's impossible to care about anything else.

to sum it all up,
YOU ARE ALL PATHETIC WASTES OF HAIR DYE AND PIERCINGS THAT LOOK LIKE SHIT

Sincerely,
everyone else



p.s QUIT LISTENING TO THE MISFITS !
i bet you don't even know who glen danzig is, assheads.

just won't quit.
i walked home from school today,
took me a good 45 mins.
the hot sun made me angrier
but the breeze cleared my mind

people have been coming up to me
"sally, why are you sitting by yourself?"
"sally, why aren't you with your friends?"

i choose to,
and
i don't have any fucking friends
at least not at my school

the ones i do have right now could turn on me anytime
seeings how i've only considered them friends for a very short time.
i'm hoping they won't, but i'm expecting the worse.


i've figured out who i am
and i hate it,

i know what i want to be
but it seems impossible to get there

i really hate to say it,
and i'm denying it slightly
but i'm slowly giving up
first, i gave up on everyone else
then on myself
and now life altogether

if it was my choice,
i would stay in bed for the rest of my life
or just end it all now
but one thing i swore i would never do,
is kill myself
i know how much it hurts
i would never put that upon anyone
even my greatest enimies

so i'm really at a lost as to what i should do.
but as of right now,
keeping completely to myself sounds fine.

the water from the shower was burning hot
and the air conditioning was ice cold
and i couldn't feel a difference
or anything for that matter


guess i'm done.

alright,
i'm sick of this.

i'm shouting everything like it is,
right here
right now

no secrets,
it's all coming out


MOLLIE ; plain and simple. i fucking miss you. but i know we'll never be best friends again, hell, i don't even think we'll ever be friends. just remember, even when you fuck up, you KNOW you can talk to me. i'll be as understanding as humanly possible.
just be mollie, not anyone else. at least do THAT for me. . .

STEVIE ; i don't even know. i love you to death, but seriously, what the hell?
i don't know what to say. it totally feels like you only want to hang out with me when you have nothing better to do, but thats not what i'm about. if you're gonna be a friend, be a friend, not a fake. and i'll miss you too. . .

TREY ; god dammit dude,
you live too fucking far away. it's totally my luck though, i should get used to it. i give up. . . even though i don't want to.

JAY ; you practically took me in. you are my favorite person right now. simple as that.

DAVID ; i friggin love you, i take your friendship forgranted sometimes, and i'm sorry.

DJ ; haha, dude. i love you, you fucking asshole : )

JOSH ; you're a dick. you've been eaten by the scene, but i'll miss you little brother.

BOY I'M STILL TOO STUPID TO NAME ; i'm over you. let's forget i ever had other feelings, please?

SHANNON ; dontmakemelikeyouagaindontmakemelikeyouagaindontmakemelikeyouagain




okay,
rants over.

pints of guiness make you stronger
against me

on repeat all night

every last word.

i fail at life,

i help no one
i try
it doesnt work

i have no point in being here.


shut up.

and i dumped a bucket of strawberries all over the counter.
looks like some whore had her period all over my kitchen.


pill popping.
someone else
its all too familiar
the thoughts and ideas
:l
sigh

i've discovered my reason for living tonight though,

to keep MY FRIENDS ALIVE
and to take care of them

last night and right now seem to be proving that greatly.

i don't know.
too sober to think straight.

i'll elaborate more tomarrow.



oh and p.s

YOU -
from here on out, starting tomarrow
i will be ignoring you
besides, you have my tears
and had my heart
what do you need my friendship for?



BYE, WORLD

knees shaking
stupid hair cut
sore
quivering
nervous



eh.

i feel amazing.
life is amazing at this point in time.

i'm watching Maury
i believe in ghosts
i think

which will be a little creepy
seeings how i'm going to the cemetary with jay tonight
and taking pictures
o_0


LA LA LA, i love liiife
:D

not the first time. . .


so i'm pretty sure i give up.
i'm gonna drug up and sleep my way out of this one.
instincts never lie.
and falling head over heels hurts.



love,
Sally

i am going fucking insane.

i think my heart is just going to skip until it completely stops.
<3

has produced a flame.

:)

this could be good,
but most likely bad. . .
i dont care right now.


<3

yea
that means you dont have to worry anymore.
:)

dont be affraid to hurt my feelings
or say something that might "lead me on"


we're just friends, okay?
kay.

i think i finally get it.
complete understanding.


there has never been a chance, never will be.

i'm strangely okay with that.
i'll forget about it,
about the feelings
about you
i'd rather enjoy your presence
then be awkwardly avioded by you.

besides, i should be used to this type of thing by now.
and i think this is for the better,

just a few quick questions,



one) what the hell am i thinking?

this is never going to work, we have NOTHING.

two) what's the point of trying to make you notice me?

i know you do, but yet there's nothing there.

well, i feel it.

but apparently you don't.

you ignore me. i'm just a friend. you find it easy to focus on bigger and better things, cuter more intelligent girls.

while i sit here,

wishing i was good enough to even know you.





three) you would think, that when i'm around you, i could feel happy. and lucky to be there. but instead,

i feel misserable. because i know NOTHING will ever, ever happen. so why do i keep torturing myself?

maybe it's because i don't want to give up.

maybe there's some small, insignificant flicker deep inside you. all it needs its some air, and me. the candle.

metaphorically speaking of course.

but i don't know.

things lately have been slowing falling apart, but i'm trying my best to not let it get to me.

. . . it would be so much easier if i just had your help. . .

it hit the ground
and with my face burried in a book i didn't take into consideration the heaviness of the object.
i instinctively told myself it was a peice of paper.

with a pause in the pages, i pondered
"that was too heavy to be paper"
i slowly turned my head and looked down,
as did the kid sitting next to me
i realized it was a box of colored pencils
we both stared for at least 45 seconds
an unblinking coma type stare

finally he said
"dude. . .
it fell."

i nodded and went back to reading my book.
______________________________________________________________



today was a good day.
had sushi and a ciggarrette in the park.

karate time.


goodbye world.
<3

is it posible to make bad points?

sure, you can point out the bad, but is that making a bad point?


i'm going to stop before i start rambling.

science fair can kiss my pastey, white, irish ass.


tis bullshit i tell you.




farewell, children but do not fret.
for you are in my heart as i type until my fingers bleed
on the effects of apearance and stereotyping.

its interesting accually.

i just don't have the will power to do it all in one night.
procrastinator?

yes, a large one at that.

okay.



p.s i think this boy is avoiding me.
probably because he knows
dammit.